Life Of Pi

   Ang Lee, along with Tarsem and James Cameron, are often directors that suffer from a style over substance view of film-making  with Tarsem's visual masterpieces The Cell and The Fall, Cameron's Avatar or even Lee's frustrating Hulk. However, all have had wonderful films, and with Brokeback Mountain, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and Lust, Caution under his belt, Lee is most probably the most talented out of these directors, and while it could be argued that Life Of Pi is his weakest film (a flimsy narrative, excessive symbolism) It sure looks absolutely stunning.
    Following the wise words of Roger Ebert, who, like me, cannot stand 3-D and who raved about the 3-D, I saw it on the biggest, dumbest screen I could; Vue Westfield. And Ebert was right. I don't think I have ever seen better use of 3-D in a theatrical release. It is not distracting, not headachey and just looks wonderful. I am proud I paid the £1 extra.
    And that brings us to the main thread of the film: the visuals. They are stunning. Again, I don't think I have seen more stunning visuals since The Tree Of Life or The Fall. As the second and third act are all set on a boat in the middle of the ocean, Lee takes full advantage of the visual potential as possible. A scene on a deserted island is a definate hilight, and while the animals are not always convincing, they do look disturbingly genuine almost always, especially hundreds of meerkats in a very memorable scene.
    And this brings us to the main problem with this film. Just the visuals alone would get it a 10 out of 10, but there are problems. The film starts off in sunny India, where young Pi embarks on a spiritual journey and wishes to be "Hindu, Muslim and Christian". He seems to be one of those kids that no one is, no one has been, or will be. Either way, he grows up in a zoo, but then has to move his family and animals to Canada, where they are shipwrecked, and he has to use a small lifeboat with a tiger as a home. And while this is not a very convincing premise, it is still exciting in the way that Up or Inception is exciting: ridiculous, but captivating enough to be forgiven for the silly premise.
    So that's Life Of Pi, and while this isn't the best film of the year, the visuals are good enough to put it on the top 10 list of 2012, and the fact that it is captivating like Inception means that it is well worth seeing. But only see it in the cinema for full effect. Please.

9/10

Top 5 Worst Songs of 2012

While this is far from the worst year in music history, it was far from slim pickings as far as bad music goes, be it from the damn Cash Money crowd, painfully boring indie rock, or the ever looming at-first-it-was-kind-of-funny-but-now-it's-just-getting-sad reign of Gangnam Style. Here are the Top 5 Worst Songs of 2012:

5.Drunk-Ed Sheeran

While this is far from the worst indie guitar song I've ever heard, all this song evokes in my mind is a lazier Hey There Delilah, only written even more clumsily. And when he's not nearly ruining wonderful songs at the London Olympics, have you ever seen an interview with him? He is an incredibly dull person, fitting well with his horrifically dull range, all performed along to dreary acoustic guitar. This is not to say I am against slow music per se, but the montonous chorus is so boring, you'd think you were listening to country music. Avoid.

4.Gangnam Style-Psy

This is actually a lot higher on my list than I pre-empted because for a while, I actually really liked this song. I thought the video was clever, the rapping was good. How wrong was I. How could I not see how stupid the video was, how obvious the music was, how really the lyrics were incredibly classy, describing the huge cost of living in South Korea. How could I not see that all this song was is a Korean version of LMFAO's detestable Party Rock Anthem. And it is not just the music that annoys me about this, it is the fanbase. Just go on the comments of the video on YouTube, you will know what I mean.

3.Drive By-Train

Oh why, Train? You started off decent, why couldn't you simply fade into the obscurity that we hope most adult alternative bands went, like Joanna Newsom or The Plain White T's? Why did you persist in making crappy hit after crappy hit? Train started off well enough, and I am more forgiving of Hey Soul Sister than most. But this song, with a horrific rhyme scheme, really disturbing concept (how romantic, comparing your love to shooting someone), and the ever-annoying vocals of Patrick Monahan. The weird pop culture references are a taste that Monahan is fond of (Mister Mister? Hefty bags?), but they are getting old, and Train need to end.

2.Stupid Hoe-Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj. How? How could you produce such a repugnant, ugly, annoying, tuneless evil as this song. Yes, I know it is a response to that awful Lil' Kim diss track Black Friday, but why would you try try to match the evil that was that song so far that it is one of the worst things to come out of a human mouth since Hitler's speeches? Not only is the song grossly repetitive and horrendously nonsensical, it is straight up evil. Evil. But yet it is only number 2 on this list. Now you ask, what could be possibly worse than this horrifying abomination?




1.Dance (A$$)- Big Sean feat. Nicki Minaj


Now technically, I'm cheating because this only came out late last year, but only started gaining notoriety in the UK in early 2012. Let me put this straight. This is the worst song I have ever heard. Worse than anything on this list, even Stupid Hoe, even Hot Problems. Friday is Madonna compared to this song. The monotonous flow of Big Sean, the misogynist theme, some of the worst lyrics to a song ever (Kiss my ass and my anus) and the horror of Nicki Minaj's verse, who is actually on the song more than Big Sean. At least Stupid Hoe was interestingly awful. This isn't even worth looking at, let alone listening to. This is musical napalm. This is what life is like if you are miserable. Actually, I go back on what I said, please listen to it, I want you to experience my rage. Be prepared.

Channel Orange

    Frank Ocean is one of the most refreshing new voices in modern R/B, that being we have never really seen anyone white like him. Branching from the always obnoxious, but sometimes really good Odd Future collective, Ocean got his chance to be one of the best talents of the early 2010's,  singing the hooks on a lot of Tyler, The Creator's work. In mid 2012 he came out as bisexual and released his debut album, Channel Orange. And it is an absolute joy to listen to.
   The centrepiece is the miraculous Thinkin' Bout' You, a heartbreaking song about a lost love, and the potential of resuscitating something that ended a long time. It has potential to be the best song of the year. The calm, synth-laden pace is stunning, and Ocean proves that he is a definite new talent. The song is so lovely that it even made Beyonce, queen of this type of ballad, cry when she first heard it. I can see where she is coming from. It is just a stunning, stunning song.
   Still, despite how wonderful the other songs are, they are all dwarfed in comparison to Thinkin' Bout' You. Except for, however, Swim Good, with a truly brilliant funk beat to it, and an ode to the lovely Aloe Blacc I Need a Dollar about it (Not to be confused of the particularly tedious Eminem song of a similar name), and some of the best production I have seen from the Odd Future clique. Even Pyramids, one of the still good but not best songs on the album, has an overused but still wholly relevant synth hook that is just irresistable.
    This is one of the best albums of the year. Stunning production and the soulful voice of Ocean makes this better than most of the Ne-Yo's could ever hope to be.

Volta

If you know me, you know that I have a particular fondness for female pop vocalists, be it the beautiful vocal of Lady Gaga or Beyonce, or, God forbid, the brilliant but horrible whiny auto tuned drivel people like Ke$ha or Fergie release. And for me, Bjork is no exception. Starting her music career with the wonderful punk-y Sugarcubes who had some minor hits in the early nineties, Bjork branched off and has enjoyed success ever since, be it as an actress in the heartbreaking Dancer In The Dark, a wonderful vocalist in all her nineties albums, or in Matthew Barney's utterly up-itself Drawing Restraint 9. Yes, Bjork is brilliant at a lot of things, and her talents are on full form in her 2007 effort, Volta. From the opening, defiant, and almost abrasive song, Earth Intruders, we can understand that this is no longer the beautiful soprano, this is the furious, completely pissed-off Bjork, ready to batter anyone in her way,not entirely different from M.I.A.'s later effort The Message. Not to say there aren't moments of beauty. The whimsical tone of Wanderlust is only to be matched by the stunning, American Pie-esque The Dull Flame of Desire. Clocking in at nearly 8 minutes, with moments of unscrupulous beauty. Similar is the not-so-long but equally lovely Pneumonia (there's two word I never thought I'd see in the same sentence , not to beaten by the best song on the album, Declare Independence. Written as a ballad for Greenland and the Faroe Islands, this hip house fist pumper is similar in style and quality to the brilliant 2006 Gorillaz White Light. As a simple club banger, it's as good as it gets. This is a satisfying album and while not all songs work (Hope can be rather tedious) it is still always good from our favourite Icelandic vocalist (sorry Sigur Ros) Bjork. 

8/10