Before Sunrise/ Before Sunset

   Richard Linklater remains to be one of the most thought provoking and fascinating directors out there. His masterpiece Waking Life, and his other brilliant films, particularly Slacker, are all reminiscent of his mind blowingly well scripted Before... series. Though the topics raised in both films are horrendously dated only 9 and 18 years on, they still have some relevance nowadays, mainly due to the brilliant performances and dialogue.
   The proposition is that through a sheer coincidence, the French student Celine (Julie Delpy), and the American student Jesse (Ethan Hawke), both meet on a train in Vienna. Both speak English and both are of the same intelligence. Jesse is headed for Vienna to go back home, while Celine is headed back to Paris. They strike a connection. Suddenly, at Vienna, in an act of impulse, Jesse convinces Celine to get off at Paris, and spend the day talking. She wildly agrees, and for the next hour and a half we are treated to some of the best dialogue in modern cinema, just pure conversation on existentialism, sex, eternity and life. There's really little I can say on it because it already talks itself.
   The performances are brilliant; Ethan Hawke stays on the right side of douche bag and Julie Delpy is charming and bouncy as Celine. And while the painful nineties disaffected youth quarter life crisis stereotypes can be annoying, they are very toned down, much more than the awful other quarter life crisis fable Reality Bites.
   Fast-forward 9 years and Celine has a chance encounter with Jesse in Shakespeare and Company in Paris. Again, they do the same thing; walk around Paris and talk, this one being much more about relationships. Both have shed the pretense and become much more honest with each other: Jesse has a kid but is stuck in an unfulfilling  relationship, and Celine cannot latch onto a man, having used up all her romance on that perfect night. It is interesting to see how Jesse, the hardened cynic in the previous film has traded personalities with Celine in the last film. Now Celine, bitter at not having had a proper relationship because of Jesse, is now the hardened cynic. The film ends on an infuriatingly blunt, rushed ambiguous note but considering there is the final film coming out this year, make of it what you will.
   These are some of the greatest romance films of all time, as well as some of the best writing in film, period. Please watch them.

Before Sunrise 10/10
Before Sunset 9/10

Hard Candy

   Paedophilia is a difficult trait to transpose into film, mainly beacuse very few people actually want to pay attention or sympathise with a paedophile. For me, its more of a sadness. They clearly didn't choose to live this lifestyle, it is simply a sexual preference that is morally wrong depending on who you are. I do not however believe it to be a mental psychosis like many, however. Many paedophiles are bad people, taking advantage of children, and they are wrong for doing that. But those who simply express their sexual opinion, but do not act upon it shouldn't be targeted because of their preference. And this is where Hard Candy fits in.
   Hard Candy tells the story of a thirty something photographer (played brilliantly by Patrick Wilson) who explored teen web chat sites, and forms a friendship with one of the girls (played breathtakingly well by Ellen Page, from whom I cannot unsee this role). They start talking. They arrange to meet up. Is he taking advantage? She is only 14. She almost seduces him. They go back to his place. There are photos of under-age models on his walls. He offers her a drink. She declines and makes Screwdrivers. She drugs his. He falls unconscious and wakes up tied to a chair. She has done this.
   She declares he is a paedophile, and she has good reason to suspect. He is the one who raced her to a next drink, he is the one who was trolling the teen chat website. He is shocked and terrified. She lets him suffer.
   That is the plot to the film, and it is terrifying. Ellen Page is stunning as Hayley, who can turn from chillingly calm to horrifyingly angry. There is a real uncomfortable turn of events. Is he a paedophile? Is Hayley just as bad as him? Who are we supposed to feel sorry for-the possible paedophile, or the definite psychopath? The direction really accentuates this, with cool static shots quickly escalating to shaky handheld shots.
   This is a very smart thriller. It ends on a note you will have to decipher for yourself but trust me, this one is worth a watch.

9/10

Les Miserables

   Les Miserables, or Les Mis is arguably one of the best musicals ever made. The music, the flow, the story, most of which is inspired by victor Hugo's wonderful book, is brilliant and truly unforettable. So who has the balls to ruin it in screen adaptation style? That guy who did The King's Speech, Wolverine and Catwoman. Be very afraid.
   All jokes aside, Les Mis is a lot better suited in these hands than it was in Liam Neeson's hands. But odd casting choices aside, this is still a really rather good film. The plot goes that Jean Valjean steals a loaf of bread for his sister's child, which gets him put in jail. After he breaks parole, he comes out after 19 years and is constantly escaping from no-nonsense policeman Javert, all of this involving a dying prostitute Fantine and her child, who Valjean promises to look after, all set during the French riots in the mid-eighteen hundreds.
   As supposedly simple this story is, it is an impossible role for Hugh Jackman as Valjean, who has to play Valjean as classy, a robber, an old man, and kind spirit, and an overprotective father. He does this amazingly well, capturing all these roles with suprising sadness and nuance. also stunning is Anne Hathaway as Fantine, whose truly upsettingly powerful rendition of I Dreamed A Dream will win her an Oscar. Eddie Redmayne is ok as Maurius as is Amanda Seyfried, but the true focus should be Samantha Barks, who is wonderful as Eponine and Sacha Baren Cohen and Helena Bonham Cater spicing up every scene they are in.
   Now we get down to the big problem: Russel Crowe. While he is not quite as horrendous as some people are suggesting, he isn't great, and his awful throaty singing makes for some hilarious moments where I nearly laughed out loud. It is just a shame they didn't cast Jude Law, who I think would have been perfect in that role.
   The direction of this is stunning too, a bit Moulin Rouge esque, with people constantly throwing things in your face and laughing at you. It can be a little distracting, especailly with some of the prettier songs having things thrown in your face constantly, as well as some really baffling framing, so much so that I had to visibly turn my head to see what was going on.
   While it is flawed, and doesn't really make sense in its own universe (why does Maurius go for Cosette when Epinone is so much prettier? Why is that awful red and black song in this? Rarely am I asking a film for more exposition.) it is still the most effective adaptation to date, and when compared to the musical, it adapts pretty perfectly. Be prepared for torrents of YouTube videos of I Dreamed A dream though.

9/10

My Favourite Films Of The Year

I'm not going to be that bastard who says 2012 was the best or worst year for film, because, let's face it, 2012 was neither of these. It was however, a very slow start especially in the first half of the year, which was followed up baby a huge array of brilliant films. So here it is, my favourite films of 2012.

10. The Muppets
I know this is kind of an odd choice, but when as film is this damn happy, it is quite simply irresistible. Directed by Flight Of The Conchords veteran James Bobin, and featuring three writing of Bret McKenzie, whose ebullient songs are perfect for the source material, this joy of a film features all the gang in a tongue in cheek 'the theatre's going to close, let's do a fundraiser!'. And while the film itself is smart enough to overcome this dumb proposal, it is funny, self referential and takes itself seriously in places it needs to.

9. The Descendants

George Clooney has never been better than in his tour de force as a man thrown in a situation he doesn't know how to handle, being burdened with an unfaithful, terminally ill wife, and two sharp as nails daughters. And while it sometimes wobbles on the tightrope of schmaltz, it almost always succeeds in its intended goal, making you laugh and cry simultaneously.

8. Beasts Of The Southern Wild
I think most of us can agree that one of the best feelings is surprise, and I was truly surprised, in a good way. Having gone into this film having known very little about it, then to be blown away by a sudden rush of wonderful filmmaking and acting, especially from the wonderful Quenzhane Williams. I doubt if she will win Best Actress at the Oscars, but I think she is really the one who deserves it most. I can't really describe it, just see it.

7. Skyfall
I had originally disowned the whole Bond franchise, after a few mediocre Pierce Brosnan vehicles, but that opinion was quickly dropped after the Daniel Craig movies, all of which I liked a lot (including Quantum of Solace, thank you very much), and Skyfall does not disappoint. Javier Bardem and Judi Dench are particularly good here, and it kicks ass to see London and Scotland being used, instead of the more foreign locations, making this feel close to home. Sam Mendes deserves a cookie for his stunning direction too. All stand for that stunning song, the best since You Only Live Twice.

6. Life Of Pi
With the visually stunning Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon under Ang Lee's belt, he is a perfect choice for that supposedly unfilmable book. And by good god, does it deliver. These are some of the most stunning visuals I have ever seen, and though the acting can be weak at times, and the symbolism is annoying, that is all forgiven for the sheer scope of some of the scenes. But for the love of God, see this on a huge screen.

5. Moonrise Kingdom
If Ang Lee is a HD tv, impressing you with it's huge scope, Moonrise Kingdom is a Polaroid camera, with lower quality image, and a faded view, but with bucket loads of charm, sardonic wit, and tender poignancy. Telling the fable of two kids who run away from home and their small town's attempts to find them, it is typical Anderson fare, delivering wonderful performances, occasionally dark humour, and the viewpoint from the beyond his years little boy protagonist. Whimsy at its classiest.

4. The Dark Knight Rises
I am putting it out there, Christopher Nolan is one of the best directors of our generation. He has never done a bad film. Even Following, his weakest picture is a masterpiece in its own right. And his brain conclusion to his perfect Batman series is just what we hoped for, clever, disturbing, funny and surprisingly heavy for a superhero film. Marion Cotillard gives an enjoyable nuanced performance, where Joseph Gordon Levitt is surprisingly intense and focused. The central focus is Bane, who may be my favourite Batman villain.

3. Samsara
All of the other films on this list are plot driven, heavily based on the characters and what they do. Samsara has no plot, no focus or really any characters. It is a swaying visual masterpiece, taking us on an adventure of all cultures, the wide eyed beauty of Indian dancing, the surprising melancholy of the transgender Thai prostitutes, or even the terrifying performance art scene. Like the equally masterful Baraka, we get those stunning time lapse shots of the sky, the Chinese factories, everything. It all ends on the Buddhist monks creating those lovely sand paintings, admiring them for a moment, than scooping up the sand. Interpret that what you will.

2. Tie-Amour/Shame
I am tying these two films together because they are very similar in my eye. The direction is static, smooth, the plot about getting over an illness and failing, or even the twinning of both films being set in an isolating universe. Michael Fassbender gives a heartbreaking performance that sheds new light of the so often mocked sex addiction condition. Is he homosexual? Straight? He may even be asexual for all we know. He is simply addicted to the orgasm, nothing else. In Amour, Georges has a similarly tortuous job caring for his ill wife, who starts well, slowly receding through time, with only the audience and Georges understanding the pain of old age, and the gradual loss of a loved one. So brilliant.

1. The Master
Yeah, you all saw this coming. I can't help it, this film really changed my views on cults, their leaders and how they work. Both Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix give unbelievable performances as two very broken, disturbed people who find solace in each other, but in a horrible way, and the way they work off each other is quite scary, but representing such a dark truth that lingers inside us. Anderson's direction is very astute, and it looks fantastic. They just didn't fuck up in any way.  See it for an interesting night out.

Life Of Pi

   Ang Lee, along with Tarsem and James Cameron, are often directors that suffer from a style over substance view of film-making  with Tarsem's visual masterpieces The Cell and The Fall, Cameron's Avatar or even Lee's frustrating Hulk. However, all have had wonderful films, and with Brokeback Mountain, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, and Lust, Caution under his belt, Lee is most probably the most talented out of these directors, and while it could be argued that Life Of Pi is his weakest film (a flimsy narrative, excessive symbolism) It sure looks absolutely stunning.
    Following the wise words of Roger Ebert, who, like me, cannot stand 3-D and who raved about the 3-D, I saw it on the biggest, dumbest screen I could; Vue Westfield. And Ebert was right. I don't think I have ever seen better use of 3-D in a theatrical release. It is not distracting, not headachey and just looks wonderful. I am proud I paid the £1 extra.
    And that brings us to the main thread of the film: the visuals. They are stunning. Again, I don't think I have seen more stunning visuals since The Tree Of Life or The Fall. As the second and third act are all set on a boat in the middle of the ocean, Lee takes full advantage of the visual potential as possible. A scene on a deserted island is a definate hilight, and while the animals are not always convincing, they do look disturbingly genuine almost always, especially hundreds of meerkats in a very memorable scene.
    And this brings us to the main problem with this film. Just the visuals alone would get it a 10 out of 10, but there are problems. The film starts off in sunny India, where young Pi embarks on a spiritual journey and wishes to be "Hindu, Muslim and Christian". He seems to be one of those kids that no one is, no one has been, or will be. Either way, he grows up in a zoo, but then has to move his family and animals to Canada, where they are shipwrecked, and he has to use a small lifeboat with a tiger as a home. And while this is not a very convincing premise, it is still exciting in the way that Up or Inception is exciting: ridiculous, but captivating enough to be forgiven for the silly premise.
    So that's Life Of Pi, and while this isn't the best film of the year, the visuals are good enough to put it on the top 10 list of 2012, and the fact that it is captivating like Inception means that it is well worth seeing. But only see it in the cinema for full effect. Please.

9/10

Top 5 Worst Songs of 2012

While this is far from the worst year in music history, it was far from slim pickings as far as bad music goes, be it from the damn Cash Money crowd, painfully boring indie rock, or the ever looming at-first-it-was-kind-of-funny-but-now-it's-just-getting-sad reign of Gangnam Style. Here are the Top 5 Worst Songs of 2012:

5.Drunk-Ed Sheeran

While this is far from the worst indie guitar song I've ever heard, all this song evokes in my mind is a lazier Hey There Delilah, only written even more clumsily. And when he's not nearly ruining wonderful songs at the London Olympics, have you ever seen an interview with him? He is an incredibly dull person, fitting well with his horrifically dull range, all performed along to dreary acoustic guitar. This is not to say I am against slow music per se, but the montonous chorus is so boring, you'd think you were listening to country music. Avoid.

4.Gangnam Style-Psy

This is actually a lot higher on my list than I pre-empted because for a while, I actually really liked this song. I thought the video was clever, the rapping was good. How wrong was I. How could I not see how stupid the video was, how obvious the music was, how really the lyrics were incredibly classy, describing the huge cost of living in South Korea. How could I not see that all this song was is a Korean version of LMFAO's detestable Party Rock Anthem. And it is not just the music that annoys me about this, it is the fanbase. Just go on the comments of the video on YouTube, you will know what I mean.

3.Drive By-Train

Oh why, Train? You started off decent, why couldn't you simply fade into the obscurity that we hope most adult alternative bands went, like Joanna Newsom or The Plain White T's? Why did you persist in making crappy hit after crappy hit? Train started off well enough, and I am more forgiving of Hey Soul Sister than most. But this song, with a horrific rhyme scheme, really disturbing concept (how romantic, comparing your love to shooting someone), and the ever-annoying vocals of Patrick Monahan. The weird pop culture references are a taste that Monahan is fond of (Mister Mister? Hefty bags?), but they are getting old, and Train need to end.

2.Stupid Hoe-Nicki Minaj

Nicki Minaj. How? How could you produce such a repugnant, ugly, annoying, tuneless evil as this song. Yes, I know it is a response to that awful Lil' Kim diss track Black Friday, but why would you try try to match the evil that was that song so far that it is one of the worst things to come out of a human mouth since Hitler's speeches? Not only is the song grossly repetitive and horrendously nonsensical, it is straight up evil. Evil. But yet it is only number 2 on this list. Now you ask, what could be possibly worse than this horrifying abomination?




1.Dance (A$$)- Big Sean feat. Nicki Minaj


Now technically, I'm cheating because this only came out late last year, but only started gaining notoriety in the UK in early 2012. Let me put this straight. This is the worst song I have ever heard. Worse than anything on this list, even Stupid Hoe, even Hot Problems. Friday is Madonna compared to this song. The monotonous flow of Big Sean, the misogynist theme, some of the worst lyrics to a song ever (Kiss my ass and my anus) and the horror of Nicki Minaj's verse, who is actually on the song more than Big Sean. At least Stupid Hoe was interestingly awful. This isn't even worth looking at, let alone listening to. This is musical napalm. This is what life is like if you are miserable. Actually, I go back on what I said, please listen to it, I want you to experience my rage. Be prepared.

Channel Orange

    Frank Ocean is one of the most refreshing new voices in modern R/B, that being we have never really seen anyone white like him. Branching from the always obnoxious, but sometimes really good Odd Future collective, Ocean got his chance to be one of the best talents of the early 2010's,  singing the hooks on a lot of Tyler, The Creator's work. In mid 2012 he came out as bisexual and released his debut album, Channel Orange. And it is an absolute joy to listen to.
   The centrepiece is the miraculous Thinkin' Bout' You, a heartbreaking song about a lost love, and the potential of resuscitating something that ended a long time. It has potential to be the best song of the year. The calm, synth-laden pace is stunning, and Ocean proves that he is a definite new talent. The song is so lovely that it even made Beyonce, queen of this type of ballad, cry when she first heard it. I can see where she is coming from. It is just a stunning, stunning song.
   Still, despite how wonderful the other songs are, they are all dwarfed in comparison to Thinkin' Bout' You. Except for, however, Swim Good, with a truly brilliant funk beat to it, and an ode to the lovely Aloe Blacc I Need a Dollar about it (Not to be confused of the particularly tedious Eminem song of a similar name), and some of the best production I have seen from the Odd Future clique. Even Pyramids, one of the still good but not best songs on the album, has an overused but still wholly relevant synth hook that is just irresistable.
    This is one of the best albums of the year. Stunning production and the soulful voice of Ocean makes this better than most of the Ne-Yo's could ever hope to be.